


Francis Forever

by ghostof_awriter



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt, Feels, Flashbacks, Gen, Healing, Inspired by a Mitski Song, Letters, M/M, Memories, One Shot, Post-Side Story: Garden of Light, Sad, Side Story: Garden of Light, Title from a Mitski Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28920240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostof_awriter/pseuds/ghostof_awriter
Summary: Eiji, while finally getting over his loss of Ash, recalls the time they spent together and the fondness he had for him. In order to start to get that grip, he begins to write small letters dedicated to Ash as a way to gain full closure, even if it was the thing that tore his love away from him in the first place.Takes place around the time Garden of Light ends
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji & Sing Soo-Ling
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	Francis Forever

**Author's Note:**

> i listened to the song and wrote this as a spur of the moment idea. literally. i replayed the song, immediately opened my ao3 tab, and started writing ideas down, which i never do. i always have to draft first on google docs, but not this time. and considering this is the first time i've written in this format, it should be fun. despite that, i do hope you enjoy <3

> I don't know what to do without you  
>  I don't know where to put my hands  
>  I've been trying to lay my head down  
>  But I'm writing this at 3am

~~_Ash,_ ~~

_Dear Ash,_

_I'm sorry it's taken me this long to write to you again, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Just thinking of you makes my heart hurt, but I had to build up the courage to do this._

_For so long I have sat here, trying to think of what to say, even after having spent years wishing I could hear your voice one last time, told hold a conversation once more, I sit here dumbfounded and at an utter loss for words. Silly, I know, but it's true nevertheless. Everyday I think "what if I had done something different?" or "it was all my fault, I should have gone to him myself" and yet I didn't, a ~~nd here we are.~~ Maybe this isn't the right time to do this. _

~~_This isn't working, I can't voic_ _e_~~ _~~it~~_ ~~_right_ ~~

_~_

_Dear Ash,_

_I am making a second attempt at this, and I hope for this one to be more successful. I've prepared myself this time, or so I hope, and I may actually have my thoughts together._

_I'll have you know, but I still have no regrets in having met you when I first came to America. You are truly one of the best people in my life, and you forever remain in my heart._

_While I cannot hear your voice anymore, it still rings throughout my head, the same as your laugh. To be honest, I see you in everything I do, and while it does pain me, I do know you are still with me, and will remain with me until my own time comes._

_I still cannot forgive myself, for having allowed you to slip through my fingers like sand, but I am trying my hardest. Sing is definitely helping me out, as he comes to visit all the time. Hell, he basically lives here at this point. But I know he does it for not only my sake and his own, but yours as well. He knows you can't be here to be with me and "protect" me, so he makes sure to do his part. For you, for him, for me. Even Shorter._

_He did get to meet Ibe's niece, Akira, however, and they seemed to have gotten along well. I mean, part of the reason I am able to do this now is because she came here and learned about you. Sing told her about you, at first, and eventually she saw the photos I had taken of you._

_Speaking of photos, I'm sorry it took me so long to look at them again. While I ached everyday at the thought of seeing your face, I knew that if I didn't I would probably forget it, as sad as it is, in the distant future. But now, I can look to you everyday and feel that pain slowly leave me each time I do. It fills me with a joy I never thought I could feel again, seeing you, even if it is only as a photo._

_I'm sorry for making this short, but I can feel my tears wanting to start again as I stare at the photo of us tacked up on the wall above me._

_\- Eiji Okumura_

_~_

_Dear Ash,_

_I never told you about the exhibit I held. You were the prominent piece._

_I titled it "Dawn," respectively._

_Not only ~~was~~ is it your name, but it is what you are to me. My light. The bright point in a dark world. That's who you are to many people, and I hope you remain that way for years to come. _

_I must tell you this, but I always make sure to wake up early, be it summer or winter, to watch the sun come up over the horizon. To see all of the brilliant colors lighting up the sky reminds me of you so very much, and it fills my heart with a great feeling of warmth, I must admit._

_Sometimes, I'll find Sing awake, after having spent the night, looking out the window and at the sunrise, too, waiting for me to join him. I always leave him be for a few moments though, allowing him to soak up the serenity of it all for just himself a little while longer._

_I wish you could see the sunrise again._

_\- Eiji Okumura_

_~_

_Dear Ash,_

_Although I have always known you as Ash and referred to you as Ash, it almost seems wrong at this point. While you have been Ash Lynx, the "untamable beast", for the longest time, I can't help but laugh and think the name has never suited you. Sure, you can be quite scary to those who don't truly know you, but to me...you're different. You were never a monster, or any other sort of heinous name used for you. You were just lost. Caged your whole life and fighting for a way out._

_You wanted to become a bird and fly away from the hell you were living in. You felt damned in an eternal punishment, never being able to escape from the "monster" you claimed to be. But I know you, and I know that's not you, despite what you would say._

_Ash, you were hurt, yes, but that wasn't you. You weren't fighting because that was the only thing you're capable of, but because you're reaching for an escape in a world where fighting tooth-and-nail was the only way to get any sort of result. While everyone may have known you as and called you Ash, that isn't who you are. You are, and will forever be, just Aslan. Aslan Jade Callenreese, the boy who had to grow up too fast in a world too cruel._

_And I'm sorry I couldn't help you more._

_\- Eiji Okumura_

~

_Dear Aslan,_

_It felt odd to begin the letter this way, but it felt right. After what I had written to you last night, I knew it was what was best suited for this one._

_I have to admit, it's getting tough to continue on without you again. No matter how much I convince myself that you're here with me...it's difficult. But I still remind myself of these things:_

_You are here with the gentle sea breeze, because your voice and gentle, caring actions you displayed for me are carried with it, and I can feel your embrace every time it sweeps over me._

_You are here with the ocean itself, your eyes reflecting on the surface. Much like the ocean, they remain bright on the surface, dark within, and even strike fear in some, but never me._

_You are here at dawn, especially, for I can see your true colors which aren't as dark as you say they are, and you bring a new warmth to even the coldest of days._

_Every time I leave the house to go for a small walk through the streets, I always think back to how we once crossed these same paths together, and I do miss you by my side. However, I know, that every time I do venture out I think of something else that I can see in the world that you shared with me. And that's what allows me to keep going on. Keeping your memory alive with every passing day, and sharing it with the people whom I love dearly._

_S_ _o, thank you._

_\- Eiji Okumura_

_~_

_Aslan,_

_I apologize for my lack of formality, and the suddenness of it all, but today I am writing my final letter to you._

_Please, do not be sad, for it is not your fault. After all, why would it be? The fact is, I have simply realized that I am ready. I can move on. I can be happy with you living only in my memory. I do wish I could say more than I already have, but it's much to late for the unspoken to now suddenly be said after all this time. However, I leave these last words for you._

_You were able to escape, and I'm proud of you for that._

_While it may have meant years of sadness and pain on my part, I can say it's completely worth it. You had to deal with so much more than I did, for your entire life, and you finally got to fly away to the freedom you so longed for._

_Remember what I said, all those years ago, in my first letter? How I reminded you of the fact that I denied you being a leopard? Well, it's true. You were able to escape the destiny that caged you, and nothing has made me happier._

_I still have all of my photos of you, the old gang, and even just us. They all hang in my apartment now, finally, proudly displayed in my living room. I always catch Sing looking at the one with you and Shorter with a sad smile on his face. I know it hurts him, too, but he has always been so much better at handling emotions than me. But, my improvement has been clear...or so I hope._

_I do know this, and I will not be afraid to say it until the day I die, but..._

_I am not alone. You are by my side._

_Your soul is always with me._

_And I will still never say Sayonara to you, Aslan._

_May we meet again someday, and maybe then you'll finally be able to see Japan._

_\- Eiji_

**Author's Note:**

> while this may be my first banana fish fic, and a new format, i still thank you for reading. comments and kudos are appreciated, as they help me in improving my writing and give me inspiration to create more <3 i appreciate you all so much, so thank you again. 
> 
> please consider following my art tiktok for some other content: @mistakenlycaughtclown


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